We're having a good time. We had a white Christmas here and everywhere else in the middle portion of the country. My grandmother said it was the most snow Dallas had gotten since 1896.

Evan got his fake king cobra snake we affectionately call "King". "King" has had a really good time appearing at various places in the house and riding around Evan's neck in the car different places we go. My sister ordered it off of Amazon and I wish I had a picture of Evan's face when he opened it up. He was pulling off the tag from it and she said "Don't throw it away, it has educational material on it".

He replied "What's education?" and proceeded to rip everything off of the snake so he could go scare Paw Paw.

My uncle got Lucy a treasure box with dress up clothes for every Disney princess complete with earrings and jewelry. Granny got her the classic Sleeping Beauty dvd. She is on cloud nine. She LOVES princesses. The last day of her class, she was having a really funny conversation about Sleeping Beauty with her friend Danielle. There's a boy named Phillip in her class and they were talking about which one of them could be Sleeping Beauty and marry Phillip, (like Prince Phillip they explained to me). Luckily, neither one mentioned kissing Phillip, only that Sleeping Beauty needed a kiss to wake her up. So I got to avoid that conversation so far.

Today the cousins made it in and were having so much fun. Granny put on Sleeping Beauty (the first time any of them had seen it ) and we made it through about half of it before dinner. After dinner we opened up presents and Lucy got a Tinkerbell outfit which she promptly demanded to strip to her underwear (a fairy CAN'T wear jeans she explained), wearing nothing but fairy wings, a tu-tu and a wand....and run around chasing the boys saying she was a fairy and turning them PINK.

My friend Yuna made it safely at about 1:25 am on Christmas eve. Her flight was supposed to be there at like 6 or something....but it was so fun to eat smoked salmon at 3:00am and catch up with friend until your eyelids drop. I met her when I was 15 going with a family to adopt a child from an Russian orphanage. I'm a person who loves to keep friends for a long time even if you don't always talk....you make up for it when you do. It's also fun to have someone who knew you when you were a totally different person (but still the same person) that you are today...

And the kids have warmed up pretty fast to our house guest....especially Evan.

So much so that today...when she was eating Ramen noodles with an egg in it (I guess a tradition from the Koreans living in Russia) he told her "That's not how WE do it in America", as he's eating his Chao noodles (as he calls them because our old neighbor from Taiwan first introduced the asian ramen noodles to us) without eggs but with chopsticks. It was so funny we all died laughing...because what "we" were doing was pretty peculiar even for America.

And then to change the subject or just randomly as he has been known to do, he looks to Josh and asks "Did you get your Christmas bonus?"

Apparently he had seen that scene from Christmas Vacation with Yuna when we were napping the other day.

Cousin Eddy seems to be having a rough go of it...combined with Evan's fascination with jail...oh
things that could be said.

I guess we've been watching more tv lately.

Different Strokes for Different Folks

The holidays are weird. Or I'm weird. Or both. Probably both.

I went to PF Chang to dinner with a friend, which I haven't done in a long time. And in fact it was a year since I went to PF Chang (a really good semi-gourmet chinese chain restaurant)...and it was with that friend. Good gluten-free times.

I enjoyed having a deep conversation, which seems to happen not often for my taste but probably often enough for everyone's tolerance of me (and my tolerance of them).

I'm up with a sick baby right now who seems to wake up every five minutes. And now she's asleep on my shoulder as I'm blogging. Brings back the memories of...oh wait. Now she's ordering me to put her back in her crib. Five minutes after she screamed for me to come get her. Oh Lucillini. When she's sick she's SO cranky. Evan is usually sweeter and more compliant the sicker he is.

But I digress...

The good conversation left me (I don't know how it left her) but it left me with an uncomfortable realization of things I like about my life and things I don't...and the unbelief that has yet to be rooted from my heart.

So I had not done any Christmas shopping at all before...yesterday. I got it done. Today after dinner. Last stop was Wal-Mart. Of course it won't be my last trip to Wal Mart before Christmas. I have nothing to eat in my house and a tablespoon of almost sour milk. But I could not force myself to grocery shop. Just couldn't do it. Got my presents and left.

Before I left I ran into a lady I know from church. She's a mom of 13 or 14. I lose track. She was there alone with a cup of coffee in her hand. We exchanged pleasantries and she was trying to figure out exactly how many more Christmas presents she needed to make sure each child had the same number. Because they had all been counting the presents under the tree....anyway it was humorous.

It's good to have a laugh. When you're doing something that some people think is crazy (like go to law school with two small children or choose to have 14 kids) you can still have stuff in common (coffee, Wal-Mart, 11:00pm).

I could go off on a mini-rant on tolerance...but I don't think that we (myself included) focus on the things that we do have in common. Sometimes we focus so much on the "right" way to live that we forget that the way is love that covers over a multitude of sin, shortcomings, and blatant failures.

Anyway, I think it is hard when you choose to do something that goes against what other people are doing around you. People are simple and complicated. One of the worst things you can do for yourself is make them uncomfortable. Popularity contests are just as fierce at law school as they are at church. No rest for the weary.

And yet if you believe that every soul is born free, blown into the image of God, fashioned in the fabric of time then humbleness constrains you, limits you to dust and vapor. There is room for mystery without explanation and pain without cause. A glimmer of glory and a shine of hope in an otherwise vast and empty space.

I murdered the crim law exam. We won't find out what the carnage is until January. But people are dead everywhere and I have no explanation.

There were three questions and I didn't even get to the last one. It was a four hour final and I started crying the last five minutes. It was horrible.

I can't spit it out. I'm not a fast writer. I made my outline and didn't get through half of the issues. Like I said, didn't even get the last question done at all. I even did five practice tests. And still can't get it done.

It is a sick sick feeling. The Chinese guy in my class walked out with me and spared me more tears. How could I be crying when for Christ's sake he's doing it another language?

I hope I passed.

"To those of you who've receive honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done, and to the C students... I say, you to can be President of the United States."

Thank you President Bush.

I was meant to be Russian. The vodka, the Dostoevsky, the pessimism, the East meets West, the complicated grammar and impersonal expressions. The Mortal. Betrayal : the worst of sins. Forever winter.

Ni puha ni pera. I don't know how to translate it except "break a leg". It literally means no fluff no feathers. The appropriate response is k chortu which means "To hell with you".

I got the unadulterated pleasure of having this said to me before my last two finals. None of this good luck stuff....(which it really does mean good luck but in a Russian sort of way)...but someone saying like to a hunter don't come back with any feathers...I guess. My translation skills are way out of practice.

My Russian neighbor picked me up when I was walking to my Property final. Nice. Then, there's a girl from Novogrod in my contracts class.

My long time friend from Russia Miss Yuna will be coming to stay with us for a while over Christmas...so I'm sure she will set me straight.

Ah...almost done. Almost except for the hardest class with the grade bumps I will not be getting (I've missed days for being sick). So nothing but murders and rapes to study until Thursday.

And then holiday cheer with friends and family. Josh's brother and his family are coming Christmas day. My sister is bringing her wii. My brother is bringing his ipod etc...(he gives me the best new music).

Josh and I will be married eight years tomorrow. We'll be celebrating after the murders and the rapes because he loves me so much. More than I deserve.

Tomorrow is also the anniversary of my dad's accident and that call before the helicopter arrived and the horror of seeing someone you love in unbearable pain.

Life is weird.

Shit happens.

God is good.

People are not.

So I'm trying not to be de-motivated. Test #2 is done. Property. Bleh. I think one smart person could write a computer program that could sort out any future interest problem N or the bar examiners could ever come up with that you'd never have to deal with in real life and then the rest of us would never have to learn it.

If life is about learning one big lesson then I guess there's hope in the end that it is done. You die and there's no more lessons to be learned.

Boy, you can tell I'm on my game today, huh?

So the past few days I've woken up and my joints are red and swollen. I have a low grade fever today even with Excedrin. Bummer. But it could be worse. It has been worse. And it always hits me harder emotionally when I go back to crappiness after having a good run of it.

Pain is a good reminder of my commitment to happiness. You don't realize how committed you are to being happy until something ( or someone) ruins it. And then you get your sense of entitlement going and the self pity kicks in and pretty soon you're all alone.

I don't want to be alone. I'm not alone. Just staring at computer with no interest in contracts. I hate contracts. I do not have a knack for corporate law. I do not want to be married to my blackberry.

I have mp3 of Professor M. playing hoping some of it will sink in as I'm laying on the couch. I have an insane amount of memorizing to do and little motivation to do it.

Except. One day. Maybe I will be able to sue the crap out of some insurance company.

That would make me happy.

I had fun time at Josh's company Christmas party. Good food, free drinks ,and Josh Ayres doing a so-i-married-an-axe-murder routine is good times after a property exam.

I am so looking forward to Christmas break with the kids.

Anyone know where to find a giant fake king cobra snake that looks real?

That's what Evan wants for Christmas. And a microscope.

Finished by first law school exam at 5:13pm today. Not fun. Not good. But done.

And easier than other things in life. Like where I was a year ago.

But I'm glad to have warm little bodies and sticky fingers to greet me. Josh had them waiting in the car for me afterwards. Evan told me he had to take a practice spelling test for first grade. He said it was really boring. I told him he didn't have to like it. Some things were boring. Like Civil Procedure.

Poor Josh was really sick today. The doctor said he had allergies. I told him doctors don't know crap (except you Ashley:). Josh is hardly ever sick and gets a usual gold star for un-whineyness. He slept from 9:00am to when he picked the kids up from school. And we're about to go to bed now. It's 8:00pm.

Evan said something funny today. He loves his little model/toy airplanes. When I stepped on not one but two of the little buggers in the span of about two seconds, . he said "See I have them camouflaged".

Maybe I could tell my professor "See here's my answer. I just had it camouflaged".

It might be worth a shot.

Ahhh!!

Yes. It's time. Time not to be blogging. But Josh is out of town . The kids won't go to sleep. I have 5 more days until my first final.

It will be ok.

Or not.


Evan quote of the day: "People go to jail because the color of their skin". Followed by "And for cruising too". And then to throw in some other influence from his school he wants a" real gun with real bullets not a BB gun" so he can shoot "snakes and deer and anything else that moves". But he's really afraid of getting coal in his stocking even though he knows Santa Clause is not real.

What do you do with a paragraph like that? Well, we took them one at a time. Wouldn't you have liked to be a wallflower? Or maybe not. Maybe you're horrified. But he does go to the most diverse elementary school around (or at least I think it is). And I was able to separate out each of those statements to specific kids in his class. Childhood is an awesome and terrifying thing. We had a good talk.

We had a really good trip to Dallas to see my grandmother and my dad's side of the family for Thanksgiving. The kids did great. I mean great. I haven't seen some of my cousins in over 10 years. Everyone was really sweet to the kids. Big families are good for that.

I have been avoiding facebook and lots of other things. Lots of other things. Although my house is still cleaner than it used to be. I don't know how that is. But being at home makes your house 10 times messier.

I've been still gradually feeling better. I've only had the fever a few times this last month and even then it was really low key. That heavy round of antibiotics seem to really help. A year ago they had given me some sort (a different kind) but this one seemed to do the trick. And I was not expecting that.

With so many things: Low expectations are key.

Here's to low expectations!

Die perfectionist. Die.

The kids are still not asleep. But I could go to bed. Maybe I will.