Does anyone else like a bit of random to their life? I certainly do. And sometimes I attract it. And sometimes I give it to someone else who has desire for control and harmony and ruin their day.
I'm not in the habit of making lists. I kind of abhor them. I make them about three times a year. This is because I've learned that writing something on a list is a guarantee that I'll forget it OR it brings up about the million and one more things I need to do, overwhelming me and thus defeating the purpose of the list. I prefer to use a combination of denial, amnesia, and an ability to remember random things such as telephone numbers I've used once.
I was going to make a list of random things that have happened to me this week. But I went anti-list instead and chose to make a long rambling blog. Our neighbor's house got broken into a few days ago while he was asleep at 4:00am. He had an alarm. Everything was fine. We do not. We have the perfect kidnapper house. For young children, having a pool is statistically more dangerous than having a loaded gun in the house. Random fact. We don't own a gun. Important Things with Demetri Martin.
I led the singing at the 6-12 grade youth group. I never was a big fan of youth group in my youth...and well...it was really random that I did that...I ran into my 6th grade teacher who has kids the same age as mine while at Chik Fil A with my friend who now lives in Philadelphia while holding her 6 week old trying to quench my irrational baby fever...meanwhile a different friend who is the first person I've met who wanted to be a doctor when they were little and then actually does it...who I tried to hold off with my sob story but only lasted an embarassingly short time before being embarassingly long winded about my very rational fever...she said ever so gently FUO : fevers of unknown origin...the origins are only found out 51% of the time. And since it's time to let go and see better...so I went to the eye doctor since I haven't gotten new glasses since 2002 and recently a tiny bottom sat fatly on them...for him to say I need a biopsy for the growth on my eye lid if it doesn't go down within a month...which now makes the visit covered on my health insurance instead of being charged outrageously out of pocket to get the same prescription I had 7 years ago....oh so nice said so semi-sarcastically...SERIOUSLY...this isn't working for the letting go part...but never fear...someone anonymously sent me a book in the mail which has a quote "Can cut through years of self-delusion and rationalizations".
So I'll do The Work on that...it's all out of love, isn't it?
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
16 Miles
I got a mountain bike for my birthday from my fabulous husband. I think that's first time I've written the word fabulous in a blog. Made it up Razorback Road today the first time! And then biked I think about 16 miles exploring all the new trails around Fayetteville.
It was good. Really good. My mom took the kids for the afternoon. It wasn't too hot. I have the i-tunes my brother downloaded for me (ie. new cool music) playing. But about halfway through my hands started hurting pretty good. By the end they were killing me.
After ibuprophen, they're better. But they still hurt. Even now, 8 hours later. They hurt. All from just having to hold the handlebars. Stupid arthritis. It's been really hard to play an instrument, seriously hurts as much as when I broke my finger...but it didn't even occur to me that my hands would be a problem bike riding.
I thought when I started blogging again I would be able to avoid the complaining. But no. This is my life. The good and the bad. And all the stuff I leave out.
Tonight I had a really special time putting the kids to bed. Wednesday nights are Josh's night out to do whatever he wants until whenever he wants. And I was telling the kids Pete and Lacy stories which is a pretend thing I started with them when I got back from the Mayo Clinic. It's a way to connect and have an ongoing narrative between us.
Pete is a hyper white poodle. And Lacy is a laid-back Chocolate Lab. Every night they have a different adventure and Evan gets to pick one place and Lucy picks the other. More on the adventures of Pete and Lacy some other time (we like to include Fancy Nancy, Spiderman, and Batman and outer space and hot air balloons and shots and doctors and guns and Chik Fil A in these adventures quite a bit)
But anyway, after the story and after the song and onto the delay tactics...Evan popped another philosophical statement that suprised me once again. "Momma, God loves us when we're bad, doesn't He?". I said understated "yeah". Then, he went further and tried to top off his sucess with a "The Bible says God loves you even when you have a bad attitude". Well...point well taken.
Pain brings out a selfishness and temptations I never knew existed. And nothing could thrill my heart more than for my kids to see God above that pain.
It was good. Really good. My mom took the kids for the afternoon. It wasn't too hot. I have the i-tunes my brother downloaded for me (ie. new cool music) playing. But about halfway through my hands started hurting pretty good. By the end they were killing me.
After ibuprophen, they're better. But they still hurt. Even now, 8 hours later. They hurt. All from just having to hold the handlebars. Stupid arthritis. It's been really hard to play an instrument, seriously hurts as much as when I broke my finger...but it didn't even occur to me that my hands would be a problem bike riding.
I thought when I started blogging again I would be able to avoid the complaining. But no. This is my life. The good and the bad. And all the stuff I leave out.
Tonight I had a really special time putting the kids to bed. Wednesday nights are Josh's night out to do whatever he wants until whenever he wants. And I was telling the kids Pete and Lacy stories which is a pretend thing I started with them when I got back from the Mayo Clinic. It's a way to connect and have an ongoing narrative between us.
Pete is a hyper white poodle. And Lacy is a laid-back Chocolate Lab. Every night they have a different adventure and Evan gets to pick one place and Lucy picks the other. More on the adventures of Pete and Lacy some other time (we like to include Fancy Nancy, Spiderman, and Batman and outer space and hot air balloons and shots and doctors and guns and Chik Fil A in these adventures quite a bit)
But anyway, after the story and after the song and onto the delay tactics...Evan popped another philosophical statement that suprised me once again. "Momma, God loves us when we're bad, doesn't He?". I said understated "yeah". Then, he went further and tried to top off his sucess with a "The Bible says God loves you even when you have a bad attitude". Well...point well taken.
Pain brings out a selfishness and temptations I never knew existed. And nothing could thrill my heart more than for my kids to see God above that pain.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Life Goes On
So I managed to have 5 fever-free days. Followed by a horrible day and several mediocre ones. I did ok at work today. A little spacey but getting more Spanish right all the time even on the phone. Came home...just curious. 100.0 F
I had stopped taking my temperature for several months. And I guess I've resumed because it's a good reminder that I'm not crazy. That these symptoms are not all in my head. A very tangible: something is not right even if they can't find out what it is. And at this point I want to let go. I'm out of other options.
I've been a little weepy lately. Which I think is actually pretty good. I couldn't even cry for a very long time...sometimes grief plunges deeper than the tear ducts. I was at church and my friend Megan came up to me and then my vision got a little blurry.
She said something comforting to me in an odd way. She said that we (meaning the church) do a good job of helping the sick babies/children but not so much the sick adults.
Of course being me, I thought immediately of some big exceptions, but overall I think one thing that comes to mind is that you can in no way blame a child for being sick but you can find multiple and convenient ways of blaming an adult.
So now a break into the more humorous. I'm terrified of how all of this craziness of the past year is affecting my kids. And I know it does. And that can be very hard. I feel like I'm in Little Miss Sunshine and somewhere out there someone is cringing.
Evan is fascinated with the human body. It used to be trains, then airplanes, and now anatomy. Not just the part you're thinking of. We checked out an anatomy book in the kids section at the library and it has all the major organ systems, muscle groups, bones etc. The other day he spent several hours just asking my dad question after question. He impressed the eye doctor when he knew the parts of the eye when he went with Josh to his eye exam.
The digestive process is also particularly interesting to him. He really wants to know what vitamins are in each food we eat and what the body uses it for. So if I eat lots of broccoli will it help my body fight germs? He thinks it is particularly awesome that God made his body to heal itself. We seriously have gone to the cell level. It brings out the not-so-inner-nerd in me.
The other day he told me to "Sit on your gluteous maximus!". Oh he laughed and laughed. And I did too. And life was good.
I had stopped taking my temperature for several months. And I guess I've resumed because it's a good reminder that I'm not crazy. That these symptoms are not all in my head. A very tangible: something is not right even if they can't find out what it is. And at this point I want to let go. I'm out of other options.
I've been a little weepy lately. Which I think is actually pretty good. I couldn't even cry for a very long time...sometimes grief plunges deeper than the tear ducts. I was at church and my friend Megan came up to me and then my vision got a little blurry.
She said something comforting to me in an odd way. She said that we (meaning the church) do a good job of helping the sick babies/children but not so much the sick adults.
Of course being me, I thought immediately of some big exceptions, but overall I think one thing that comes to mind is that you can in no way blame a child for being sick but you can find multiple and convenient ways of blaming an adult.
So now a break into the more humorous. I'm terrified of how all of this craziness of the past year is affecting my kids. And I know it does. And that can be very hard. I feel like I'm in Little Miss Sunshine and somewhere out there someone is cringing.
Evan is fascinated with the human body. It used to be trains, then airplanes, and now anatomy. Not just the part you're thinking of. We checked out an anatomy book in the kids section at the library and it has all the major organ systems, muscle groups, bones etc. The other day he spent several hours just asking my dad question after question. He impressed the eye doctor when he knew the parts of the eye when he went with Josh to his eye exam.
The digestive process is also particularly interesting to him. He really wants to know what vitamins are in each food we eat and what the body uses it for. So if I eat lots of broccoli will it help my body fight germs? He thinks it is particularly awesome that God made his body to heal itself. We seriously have gone to the cell level. It brings out the not-so-inner-nerd in me.
The other day he told me to "Sit on your gluteous maximus!". Oh he laughed and laughed. And I did too. And life was good.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Housewife for a Little Longer
Last night I had to google "How to plunge a toilet" and "How to get red wine out of carpet". And to top it off it was trash and sort the recyling day. It sucked a good four hours of my life to get it all done.
The how to plunge a toilet was more entertaining than I imagined. Youtube has done well with how-to videos gone bad. The toliet was the kids/guest one and I don't know some underwear or something (who knows) got flushed...but it was bad. I grabbed the simple plunger left by the previous occupants and it did less than nothing. Negative value. After a few hefty gags on my part, I dashed in a sprint of inspiration to dig through our yet unpacked boxes for the plunger of unknown origins, which I think may have started with Craig Sharp. This thing is like the nose of a clown combined with the suction of an elephant. Magic.
I proceeded to bleach everything in sight.
And then...bleach could help no more. An enormous amount of wine on our new wool Tibetan rug. Spilled by...the forgiven. I pour all the salt in my house on that rug. The forgiven went out and got more salt for me. No avail. Hydrogen peroxide with dawn detergent. Nope. We're trying Capture (as seen in Sunshine Cleaning). We'll see after round 3.
This is night 3 of 4 of Josh be gone "on an airplane" as we say in our house. But somehow it doesn't matter. This is day 4 of me not having a fever. I took my temperature for the hell of it. 97.2. I cannot stress how amazing it feels. I can do anything.
And yet...the past 392 days of fever are still in the memory. I've had spells like this before, not quite this good or long, and it's SO disapointing and even harder when it returns.
Evan has been really into asking "Can you survive if...". I think it comes from Bear Grylls...teaching you to survive in some of the most difficult places on earth. I used to say "Oh, I could never do that etc.." and the fact is Yes. Yes you can. You might not like it. But you can. For example: clean up vomit. And yes Evan...you can survive without eyes, ears, and limbs. (He was utterly fascinated by the sheer amount of artificial limbs (like 8) we saw at Silver Dollar City).
And then there's always the dash of humility that needs to be added atop of the day in and day out routine of a stay-at-home mom. Lucy quote of the day: "Look Momma! It (meaning the zit on my face) matches my red toe nails!
The how to plunge a toilet was more entertaining than I imagined. Youtube has done well with how-to videos gone bad. The toliet was the kids/guest one and I don't know some underwear or something (who knows) got flushed...but it was bad. I grabbed the simple plunger left by the previous occupants and it did less than nothing. Negative value. After a few hefty gags on my part, I dashed in a sprint of inspiration to dig through our yet unpacked boxes for the plunger of unknown origins, which I think may have started with Craig Sharp. This thing is like the nose of a clown combined with the suction of an elephant. Magic.
I proceeded to bleach everything in sight.
And then...bleach could help no more. An enormous amount of wine on our new wool Tibetan rug. Spilled by...the forgiven. I pour all the salt in my house on that rug. The forgiven went out and got more salt for me. No avail. Hydrogen peroxide with dawn detergent. Nope. We're trying Capture (as seen in Sunshine Cleaning). We'll see after round 3.
This is night 3 of 4 of Josh be gone "on an airplane" as we say in our house. But somehow it doesn't matter. This is day 4 of me not having a fever. I took my temperature for the hell of it. 97.2. I cannot stress how amazing it feels. I can do anything.
And yet...the past 392 days of fever are still in the memory. I've had spells like this before, not quite this good or long, and it's SO disapointing and even harder when it returns.
Evan has been really into asking "Can you survive if...". I think it comes from Bear Grylls...teaching you to survive in some of the most difficult places on earth. I used to say "Oh, I could never do that etc.." and the fact is Yes. Yes you can. You might not like it. But you can. For example: clean up vomit. And yes Evan...you can survive without eyes, ears, and limbs. (He was utterly fascinated by the sheer amount of artificial limbs (like 8) we saw at Silver Dollar City).
And then there's always the dash of humility that needs to be added atop of the day in and day out routine of a stay-at-home mom. Lucy quote of the day: "Look Momma! It (meaning the zit on my face) matches my red toe nails!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Donuts Etc.
So one of the things that's been most helpful in all of my sickyness has been a gluten-free diet. I felt so much better after doing it for only 3 days that I was hooked. And that was last November. It hasn't cured any of this, but it has helped more than than any medicine, conventional or alternative, I've tried.
Anything that has wheat like bread, pasta, crackers has gluten. And almost anything processed has gluten. Things you don't even think about like soy sauce. Since I don't have celiac disease, or at least it didn't show up on the blood test (but it was after I started my diet), I don't go crazy with it. I think I have a sensitivity to gluten, not a true allergy.
But since I've started the diet, my allergies have been SO much better. I haven't gotten a single sinus infection. And I was able to stop taking Zyrtec. I've also lost 25 pounds, but I think that comes more from feeling awful than from the diet change. I can still eat as much ice cream, cheese dip, and margaritas as I want.
But I still can't stick to gluten-free especially when we travel, eat at someone's house, or go out to eat. And then sometimes I can't because I don't have enough self-control. Like today.
The donuts did me in. And it's only a matter of time before the funnel cakes do.
Anything that has wheat like bread, pasta, crackers has gluten. And almost anything processed has gluten. Things you don't even think about like soy sauce. Since I don't have celiac disease, or at least it didn't show up on the blood test (but it was after I started my diet), I don't go crazy with it. I think I have a sensitivity to gluten, not a true allergy.
But since I've started the diet, my allergies have been SO much better. I haven't gotten a single sinus infection. And I was able to stop taking Zyrtec. I've also lost 25 pounds, but I think that comes more from feeling awful than from the diet change. I can still eat as much ice cream, cheese dip, and margaritas as I want.
But I still can't stick to gluten-free especially when we travel, eat at someone's house, or go out to eat. And then sometimes I can't because I don't have enough self-control. Like today.
The donuts did me in. And it's only a matter of time before the funnel cakes do.
Friday, July 10, 2009
It's My Birthday
It's wierd. The things that bring you back. Native American Rock Opera...Brought to You By Brule. And I wanted to blog again.
Today's my birthday. And Josh surprised me with a trip to Branson, MO. For those of you not familiar with Branson...it's like Las Vegas if Nell Flanders ran it.
I haven't been here since my 8th grade band field trip.
Josh took the day off work and we hit White Water. Still 89 degrees at 7:00pm. The kids did well all things considered. No naps and only ice cream to eat. Nobody else in my family had ever had Dippin Dots...so the pink poka dotted ice cream was a great bribe when Lucy and I were waiting for the boys to come down the big slide.
I went to bed at 7:00pm last night with a fever. I woke up this morning with a fever. I walked 5 miles (I usually have a tradition of running 5 miles on my birthday...you know to be young and vigorous and such...) And you know it was ok. Not perfect but ok.
They didn't find anything at Mayo...well nothing conclusive. A thyroid nodule, some blood tests were off, some vitamin levels way below normal, and a certain marker for inflammatory bowel disease higher than normal. Their best guess was possible Crohn's Disease, ruling out rhumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, and all sorts of cancers. But they didn't find it when they went looking for it. They say they're really good at finding the really bad stuff. So I should go on with life doing the things I enjoy, knowing that there's nothing life-threatening in my symptoms.
Easier said than done. But I'm trying. I'm starting law school in less than 2 months. So I think this blog is in for some changes. Vomit started it all...and I hope never to stray. So far, this is the only family trip we made without it. But you know...change happens. And sometimes you're changed whether you want to be or not. And sometimes the only way out is through.
So by using blogger, I hope to link to lots of other people who I've been blog-stalking the past few months. And lots of other features I don't know how to use yet. Josh is on twitter/joshuaayres. I have barely started texting.
And we didn't sell the house. We leased it. You can buy it next spring if you want.
For previous entries check out: http://www.xanga.com/nectarine_girl.
Today's my birthday. And Josh surprised me with a trip to Branson, MO. For those of you not familiar with Branson...it's like Las Vegas if Nell Flanders ran it.
I haven't been here since my 8th grade band field trip.
Josh took the day off work and we hit White Water. Still 89 degrees at 7:00pm. The kids did well all things considered. No naps and only ice cream to eat. Nobody else in my family had ever had Dippin Dots...so the pink poka dotted ice cream was a great bribe when Lucy and I were waiting for the boys to come down the big slide.
I went to bed at 7:00pm last night with a fever. I woke up this morning with a fever. I walked 5 miles (I usually have a tradition of running 5 miles on my birthday...you know to be young and vigorous and such...) And you know it was ok. Not perfect but ok.
They didn't find anything at Mayo...well nothing conclusive. A thyroid nodule, some blood tests were off, some vitamin levels way below normal, and a certain marker for inflammatory bowel disease higher than normal. Their best guess was possible Crohn's Disease, ruling out rhumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, and all sorts of cancers. But they didn't find it when they went looking for it. They say they're really good at finding the really bad stuff. So I should go on with life doing the things I enjoy, knowing that there's nothing life-threatening in my symptoms.
Easier said than done. But I'm trying. I'm starting law school in less than 2 months. So I think this blog is in for some changes. Vomit started it all...and I hope never to stray. So far, this is the only family trip we made without it. But you know...change happens. And sometimes you're changed whether you want to be or not. And sometimes the only way out is through.
So by using blogger, I hope to link to lots of other people who I've been blog-stalking the past few months. And lots of other features I don't know how to use yet. Josh is on twitter/joshuaayres. I have barely started texting.
And we didn't sell the house. We leased it. You can buy it next spring if you want.
For previous entries check out: http://www.xanga.com/nectarine_girl.
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