So I'm back to the Sunday night tension. The full week ahead. Fortunately, I have Mad Men season 3 started up to get me through the next hour. I find the show fascinating. I know a lot of people probably would just see the show as sex and smoking, but there's this incredibly deep layer to it that speaks to me in ways most shows do not. Plus it's just pretty to watch.
I walked around lake Fayetteville with my neighbor today speaking Russian for about 80% of the time. It's weird because I know certain words in Spanish that I don't know in Russian, although my Russian is far better than my Spanish. I wouldn't say that I even speak Spanish, just that I know a lot of random words like insurance, guilt, and a semi-profane way to say "bless you" after someone sneezes.
It's always very energizing to me to speak another language and explore another culture and another way of doing things. Not everyone sees the world in the same way we do. And that is very refreshing to me.
My bubble seems to implode on me at church. I really need to get some thicker skin. People, specifically leaders, more than one today, coming up to me saying "You're going to law school, aren't you?" Yes. And then nothing. No, good luck with that. Not even why in the world are you doing that (at least this week). Just silence. And a look of distrust. And my ears feeling itchy.
I guess it would be like me walking up to a lady in our church who is having her 8th child and saying "You're pregnant again, aren't you?" And then not saying anything.
The things we don't say are sometimes as important as the things we do say.
Also, something said about a certain kind of suffering being a punishment from God has got me riled. But I'm going to do a little more fact checking and heart searching before saying any more about it.
As I'm reading about contract law, it's clear that not every grievance is eligible for compensation under the law. Sometimes shit happens and there's nothing you can do legally about it. You can try but it will cost you an extrodinary amount of money and you may still have a losing case.
It's like this damn fever. I say damned because I really wish God would damn it to hell and it would never come back. But it does. Again and again. And there's really nothing much that can be done for it. Or so it seems.
I think I'm getting better slowly or at least in some sort of remission or less active phase of whatever this is. But then this afternoon my temperature jumped 3 degrees in about 20 minutes and I pulled out the down comforter and drifted off to sleep shivering.
What type of contract do we think we have with God? What is He obligated to do for us? What are we obligated to do for him?
I love the simplicity and honesty and depth that my son has showed. It has been very hard with him going to kindergarten. He is so scared. I was talking about things. Like trying to help him problem solve. Like what's the worst thing that could happen at kindergarten? And try to help him think through his options and fears etc...And then I prayed for him. I tried to reassure him that God was with him even though mom and dad weren't.
He promptly replied that he'd never seen God, didn't even know if he could see God ever but he could see me and I wasn't at kindergarten.
3 comments:
Is the spanish phrase for bless you kind of like the Seinfeld where they started saying "you're so good looking" after someone sneezed. To me when you talk about the church stuff, it sounds like it may not be the place for you. If people aren't supportive. I think it is awesome you are going to law school.
Now that's funny! The person who explained it to me may be totally off...but santos can refer to an unmarried woman...and when you say santos...it's kind of like you're going to have an opportunity at an unmarried woman after that sneeze.
It might be all bs...but interesting.
Thanks for your support. I hope to make a living suing health insurance companies some day if they exist :)
Your trip to the Buffalo looked amazing.
What type of contract do we think we have with God?
Martin Luther said that relationship by works is the essence of sin, and is incompatible with justification by faith. The sin is not merely in legalism or the power games of coercion that necessarily follow.
The big sin is that it moves us (or God) out of relationship by grace.
I see the shallow yes/no questions posed by the leadership of the church you attend as an expression of a perspective that "it's only safe if I always think inside the box." There's simply not a grid for them to see your decision for law school as something good. The only thing their questions raise about you is that you threaten the security of their "box mentality."
BTW, did you know that John Calvin was originally trained as a (humanist!) lawyer? (There's a lethal combination for you—a conservative Christian theologian, trained as a lawyer, writing a set of rules [and the theology behind them]—The Institutes of Christian Religion).
Post a Comment