Vegas Baby

I have never seen so many perfect bodies in bikinis. Perfect string bikinis in the hotel lobby at 2:00am when they can't seem to find us a room but there is room for the bikinis.

But that 12-15 minute wait was worth $150 in free food. You go ahead bikini bottom while I feed this already well-fed bottom.

And then food poisoning or a stomach bug or too much gluten or a parasite. Who knows.

But you know being sick isn't stressful without kids. I can read and watch tv and stay in a four-star bed as long as I want. No house to clean. No kid waking up at 3:50 am Vegas time which means I can sleep until 11:00 am if I want. I did. Amazing. Josh and I will get on a night schedule the moment we get the chance.

We were starting dinner at 10:30pm the last night there. It was so good. The waiter made it even better.

I knew our waiter was Russian the moment he said "the house wine is crap" and spit to the side. And then generally ignored us until we looked hungry enough to toss some bread to.

We were at the highest rated Italian restaurant in the Venetian.

He told me I should get a raspberry martini because it goes down like a flower. You've never tasted vodka like this. He said it in such a way that if I ignored his suggestion he might not serve us our food.

And then the set up:

Me: You drink much vodka then?

Him: Of course I do. I'm from Russia. It's my heritage.

Me: silence. [Better not to overplay my hand. If you are too friendly, most Russians in general instantly dislike you. But I already liked him and by the end of the meal he was showing me pictures of his grandkids].

Him: gives a proud look and turns away.

Josh: Nicely played. Nicely played. [We had a little wager going. Josh was not so sure he was Russian after we were both fooled by perfect French and German spoken by our blue eyed, grayed haired waiter from Cuba at the Paris Cafe].

Him: brings martini.

Me: Na zdarove (a traditional vodka toast meaning " to health" or something like that)

Him: silence

He leaves.

Comes back with our prosciutto with melon, which was absolutely delicious. I'm so glad that I didn't know what it was exactly or how they made it or I would have been too scared to eat it my first day back.

He comes back to check on us (see he's warming up).

Him: How was it?

[Josh answers]

He turns to me.

Me: in Russian "It was very tasty, thanks!"
(I tried somewhat unsuccessfully to keep the exclamation point out of my intonation)

So I won't bore you with all the rest of the details, but it was fun. I got a little diatribe on politics in Russia today and how they're no different than when he left in 1992. As well as pictures of his children and grandchildren (and how much they look like his ex-wife).

If you want more on our food adventure, just friend Josh on facebook.

Las Vegas was much more family friendly than I would have thought. Much more. We could have taken our kids. We didn't. You can judge us for it if you want.

We ran into another couple from church (there's a direct flight from xna to vegas on alligent air) on the flight. It's their fourth time to go. They stayed at Paris (right on the strip with the best restaurant) for four nights PLUS airfare for $285. And if you don't gamble, it's a steal.

It's a weird place. Saw Muslim women with their heads covered in black walking the strip at night with their husbands and kids. And more boob jobs than you could think possible.

I ran out of books to read on the trip. I could not find any books anywhere in like 3 malls and hotel gift shops. I'm talking like anything. John Grisham. Nicholas Sparks. Anything. It cost me a $15 cab ride to get to a Barnes and Noble and it was out in the middle of the desert.

As one saleswoman said "Clothes here? Yes. Books? Not so much"

I'm fast becoming a Margaret Atwood fan.

And the cirque du solei was everything everybody says it is. It was amazing. It made me cry. We saw Mystere. It's like a dream sequence.

Ok. I'm going to stop.

Not really just one more thing: I've never seen a kid so excited to have his last "school night" for a while.

And we may have the only golden retriever that sinks instead of swims.